the remnants of something I won't remember
I woke up in a sweat, before the alarm went off. I felt like I had been taken off life support suddenly, fallen off a cliff. my nape was wet and I had to wash myself to prepare for work. I think I had nightmares I don't remember.
I went to the office and I took the car. there's still no one in the city, I know I say this a lot. I noticed most of these blog posts are triggered by me driving on the highway, listening to something. today the radio played "team" by Lorde, a song that is now over 10 years, and I used to listen a lot going to school on the bus in 2014.
I thought no one would come to the office today because of the general strike, but yet, a ton of people showed up. the office was cold and I had to open the window to let some hot air in. we are having very sunny, windy and hot days. I think it's rather stupid that the air conditioning is so high I have to open the window to manage the temperature.
there was a training at work I had to attend, a mandatory training. I joined late, and noticed that some of my coworkers that are not in my department, had also joined. I asked via chat why they were there, and they just said they wanted to learn, but the instructor had been rather mean about it. I get it, it was a very specific training for us, people that already know the system.
that still made me mad, so I took it onto myself to design a new training scheme for them. I was able to get the powerpoint for the first class in less than two hours. why would they not be able to train themselves on certain aspects of the job? what are we aiming for? again, I talked about this before: my job is hyper-specific. I am if not a tool, nothing else. you take me out of my field and I am lost.
I had a client meeting and then rushed to the dentist. no one in the city, I managed to park 1 block away from the building in one of the busiest parts of town. I had broken a tooth from grinding my jaw too much.
after work I went to the gym and I was hoping it would be like the rest of the city: empty. boy I was wrong! it was filled to the brim. I have a new routine I'm trying out, and it humbled me how difficult some arm exercises can be.
I'm home now, I'm watching the sun as it sets at 8:29 PM. the twilight is orange in color, with a faint glow of dust, which I think comes from a forest fire somewhere far away from here. the windows are open, my boyfriend is making dinner.
I felt restless, haunted by imaginary dreams, all day whilst living my life. a good life, a normal life. yet it is here, in this moment of reflection where I scatter my thoughts that I feel a lot less jittery and more grounded. as if I was able to dump something, take out the trash. the remnants of something I will not remember.