hoping the headache goes away
I've had a headache for three weeks now. As a palliative solution I douse paracetamol before I have to face people. If I'm alone at home, I try to endure it.
I see why - I eat like shit and I spend most of my day in a computer. There are so many things I could change but I still don't feel like I want to. It just feels right to sit in my misery, sometimes. Mostly because it's just mine.
These are tension headaches which are eased by me wearing a retainer to sleep. The problem now is I seem to take it out while I'm asleep. I frequently wake up with the retainer nicely tucked away in its hot pink plastic box. I never remember this, and I asked my doctor what I could do. She of course was clueless.
I could also stop doing hip thrusts at the gym with 30 kg as starting weight. While this is not a lot, there's so much tension in my upper back when I lift up my hips that I can feel it immediately. Still, the sensation you get from doing hip thrusts is great. I see why all the girlies choose it. You have to do it to believe it, I guess.
So I sit here for hours on my computer watching as my emails pile up. I take a pill, I stretch my back. I go to bed, turn off the lights, hope the headache goes away. Then I get back to the computer, talk to my coworkers, say I'll do things I don't do, and it all starts again.
The thing I hate is that I know what I have to do to get out of here, but I just don't want to. I feel like a kid throwing a tantrum. I'm not asking for sympathy, company, or even advice. It's more about complaining how most times the way out of the rut is through, and by doing stuff. I feel like I'm not in a terrible headspace and things are getting better, but there's also an effort to be made that is greater than the will I currently have.
It's a resolution of mine to make it happen, and I hope it does. I want to fix the little things that make my life difficult, so I can enjoy the greater things I brought upon myself through hard work and endurance.