diary entry #1
today I went to the office for the third consecutive day. I have been eating well (my friends hate it when I say "eating clean") for the past couple of days and I can already feel a little better. At lunch me and my boyfriend had a little lunch date. I ate about half a kilo of strawberries in a day, in separate intervals, thinking maybe it wasn't too much: but now I look back and maybe it was.
I had a mild argument with my boss on how tasks are assigned to each of us. I told him I thought the hyper-specificity of our job was detrimental to the department's well-being, and he disagreed. I didn't tell him that I thought that mostly because I have literally no useful skills outside of the single thing this company has taught me how to do.
at the gym I listened to Neck Deep's Life's Not Out To Get You twice and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sometimes I think pop punk is worn out and I only have a thing or two to hold on, but then I find surprising stuff. On Wednesday I listened to the entirety of There is a Hell... by Bring Me The Horizon and I actually kinda liked it. It's not something I normally listen to, but I'm getting more and more used to screaming and hardcore so I am easing into things like it. I don't think I'd listen to it again any time soon but I didn't hate it.
I cancelled all my plans because my eardrum is inflamed and it hurts a lot. I am really worried about it because it's been a while. I bought the medicine I need to take today, after much deliberation. It's not getting better, but this medication gives me insomnia and I get super paranoid. I think I'll go through it in the hopes the pain in my right ear at some point goes away.
I'm drinking chamomile tea and my boyfriend is reading in bed. It's really warm outside, we have the windows open but we don't need the fans. The buildings have barely no lights on: everybody is out on vacation. So there's more room for the moon to shine, which I notice in the summer it's way more visible from my window than in the winter. It's so quiet outside, I love it. These are the summer nights that we were built to imagine as kids. These are the sort of nights I want to remember.
Like I heard today in True Detective's Season 1, Episode 6, (paraphrased) the closer I felt to god was through silence.